What do you get when you pack the Queen of Ice, a Real Brian and a Captain of Influence in the same podcast? The most random opening to an episode you will EVER hear. That is a promise. But we’ve got a lot to talk about together, including Netflix’s Christmas Chronicles… Tom Cavanagh… and the balance between encouragement and criticism.
Let's be honest... sometimes we just don't know what we're doing. And sometimes, instead of owning up to it, we pretend like we do know what we're doing. "Fake it until you make it" is a saying for a reason... sometimes by faking confidence or competence, those qualities can become a reality. I used to wield this tactic a lot, and in hindsight I think I recognize that I knew I was capable of doing something but just hadn't learned it yet. So whenever I pretended to know something, I would leave the situation and throw myself into learning it.
Faking it isn't always a bad thing, but it shouldn't be a replacement for gaining knowledge. With the right kind of optimism and motivation, we should never be content to fake it in lieu of learning!
In case I wasn't clear on the podcast, since we talked about a lot regarding this espresso shot, I do think encouragement is essential to growth. If we aren't given any clue as to whether we are are the right track, or praised when we do well, there is no motivation to continue doing that... nor to push ourselves harder.
In that same vein, I believe that when encouragement exists entirely without criticism, arrogance and egoism prevent us from seeing other perspectives. It is difficult, in any situation, to see things outside the scope of what we know... but when we close ourselves off to feedback, especially when that feedback can be hard to hear, we make our circle of perception even smaller. Criticism can make us stronger, but it takes practice. It's something we both have to open ourselves up to and receive enough of before its true benefits can start to take effect.
I focused more on balance in the discussion, rather on the benefits of encouragement, but I do think encouragement is important! In fact, one of the habits I've come to adopt in my own practices of providing feedback is to always begin with the positives of my analysis or assessment. What was good? What worked? What did someone do well? And then jump into observations about what needs to be improved upon or fixed. Whenever I begin my feedback with negatives, it actually derails the whole conversation because (quite often) the recipient of my feedback perceives that I am attacking them. Even if that was not my intention.
None of us are perfect! While some people are good at providing feedback, others are not. Just because someone, or many someones, are bad at it does not mean we should close ourselves off to it completely. It is as much our responsibility to develop tough skin, sort through the criticism, and understand what was meant to be beneficial and what was intended to harm. Hopefully in doing so, we can become better at providing feedback to others.