Info

The Real Brian Show

The Real Brian Show betters your life. Trust me.
RSS Feed Subscribe in Apple Podcasts
The Real Brian Show
2018
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2017
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January


2016
December
November
October


All Episodes
Archives
Now displaying: 2018
Aug 10, 2018

We’re pleased to welcome back Robbie, aka Dr. RobDog, the dentist saving everyone’s smile and embodying that positive force for good. Don't worry, when we talk about cavity searches... we're talking literally. We've got a lot to nerd out about in this episode! Gluten-free living, thoughts from re-watching a beloved superhero film, and more dentistry awesomeness.

In This Episode...

  • Dr. RobDog IS Batman
  • Fanmail for Dr. RobDog
  • Madame Grey Tea
  • The Dark Knight - a rewatch
  • Anger: handling it

A Positive Force

"I feel I’m ready to return to him for the same reason – to research and experience what comforting and reforming light he might shine on these often very dark times..."
Patrick Steward Captain Picard

That's right, folks, Captain Picard is making a live-action return to the small screen! Patrick Steward will reprise his role as the iconic Star Trek character and, as such, has since had a lot of positive things to say about the opportunity. As much as we all like to say we enjoy the dark thematic elements that Netflix has inundated us with over the past five years, taking full advantage of the TV-MA rating, there is a whole different draw to content and to people who bring us joy. It is comments like these that inspire me most! And I don't even know that much about Star Trek!

As the guys talk about in the episode, sometimes ignorance is bliss... particularly in this day and age where social media has taken over how we consume news and how we react to it. AND how we absorb the reactions of our peers and role models. I recently watched the local, nightly news for the first time in a looong time and it was one story after another about death, about loss, about people being taken advantage of. I was exhausted at the end of the hour. However, it was a different kind of exhaustion. It wasn't an exhaustion that doubles as exasperation from endless opinions about current events. It was a pure exhaustion from the reminder of what reality is. It was nice that I didn't have to read comments from anyone with a Facebook account about each news segment.

But as James Halliday wrote in his memoirs... reality is real. I would much rather be exhausted because of reality rather than be exhausted by the opinions of reality. (FYI - that quote was from Ready Player One.)

The major question coming out of this episode is: how can we be a positive force in a world riddled with such negativity? Negativity inspires negativity. What goes into our heads will also come out of our mouths. We each have such unique talents and perspectives that my version of being a "positive force" will probably look different from yours, but it has to start with a decision. A decision to rise above the negativity. We've got to fight for it! Every day.

That seems pleasantly ironic... fighting for positivity. Fighting... implying violence. Maybe the word "struggle" is better. A struggle can imply violence, which is not what I mean to suggest, but more the idea that it is difficult and that we encounter resistance. In the end, because we've grappled with that difficult thing, we understand the value in what we've accomplished and overcome and will hold onto it much more tightly.

Links

Aug 3, 2018

Lemon pledge might solve your furnishing polish needs, but we recommend you stop there. We do not recommend sniffing it to relieve pain! The truth is, we're all a bit like Consuela... we all need more lemon pledge. We also need to nerd out on stuff, right? So we've got a great lineup of topics for you in this episode, courtesy of Brian and Tony!

In This Episode...

  • Lactaid milk
  • Health tips from around the community
  • Brainstorming "themed" episodes
  • No Man's Sky
  • Star Trek Discovery
  • Black Lightning

Lemon Pledge

This product has a long history. One of the earliest televised advertisements appeared in 1966, the tagline for the product being "beauty of waxing with none of the work". The purpose of it is to dust and clean furniture, and really not much about that has changed in the last 60 years.

Unlike technology or fashion, the only things that have changed about cleaning products from generation to generation are the active agents that make it do what it's designed for. (And branding, I suppose!) Products become safer, and with the internet we have a greater demand for transparency on what these products contain. For example, SC Johnson (the creator of Lemon Pledge) provides the full breakdown of all the ingredients in their products and an explanation of what those ingredients are and their acknowledgement of the effect it might have on people and the environment.

Lemon Pledge is one of the more unique cleaning products, in my own personal opinion/experience... because it has such a distinctive smell that it's almost like you know how it tastes. So distinctive that people use phrases like, "Blech! Tastes like lemon pledge!" (even though eating, or inhaling, it would probably kill you - or maim you).

So... like we said. We do not actually recommend snorting lemon pledge. But for all your furniture maintenance needs, well, I guess we'll let you decide for yourself.

Tottenham vs AC Milan

I'm a pretty big soccer fan, in case there was any question. I had the awesome opportunity to go to the Tottenham/AC Milan match at U.S. Bank Stadium on Tuesday night. Minneapolis built U.S. Bank Stadium for the Minnesota Vikings, but in its two years of existence I've actually only ever attended soccer games at this stadium! It's an incredible venue and runs so much more efficiently than the Metrodome ever did.

Here's a couple pictures from the night. I immediately jumped on the best seats I could find... we were behind one of the goals, off to the side. The one goal that was scored in the game was scored right in front of us. So it was basically an awesome night!

Links

Jul 27, 2018

There is an art to dentisting, did you know? Well, now you will! A special welcome to Dr. RobDog, long time friend first time host. We're going to hear some awesome stories about going to the dentist, tips for keeping those chompers in decent shape, and of course... venturing deep into the nerd world with some chatter about Ant-Man and the Wasp and gaming.

In This Episode

  • Welcome Dr. RobDog!
  • A Brief History of Friendship
  • Dentisting
  • Stories from the field
  • No Man's Sky... redeemed?

Dentisting

It's quite a coincidence that Dr. RobDog is this week's guest host. I was recently informed that my dentist of 31 years (aka my whole life) has just retired and now... I need to find a new dentist. My dentist was also the dentist for most of my family... everyone who lives relatively near Minneapolis anyway. He sold his business to his daughter, who also consumed his clientele. My problem is, I was really only going because I've always gone to that dentist, but it's not very convenient for where I live.

Going to the dentist is really the only semi-regular doctor trip I do. I recently went for the first time in 3 years, had a minor cavity to fill and otherwise nothing outstanding. Like Brian, I was brought up being taught to brush and floss regularly. The time when my teeth were the worst was the spring after I graduated from college (I graduated in the winter semester), because I spent my final months of college living off of Sour Patch Kids and Mountain Dew. I'd like to say it was worth it, but yeah, I had something like 6 cavities filled over the course of 2-3 trips.

Like most professions, it takes a special breed of humanity to be a dentist. Not many of us would say we'd like to peer into open mouths every day or deal with people who have those deep, gutteral fears of getting their gums prodded. But teeth are fascinating, aren't they? Sometimes the only time I realize my teeth are there is when I accidentally bite my tongue or my lip (to which I subsequently envision my teeth more like fangs and convince myself I'm transitioning to a vampire state). But when someone sets a nice, juicy steak down in front of me, I couldn't be more pleased that my teeth are there.

Here are some fun facts about teeth that I found spread across the internet. Feel free to bring them up at your Fall Mixers:

  • Teeth enamel is the strongest substance in the human body.
  • Twigs were the original toothbrush!
  • Crocodiles have their teeth cleaned by crocodile birds. No joke.
  • Snails can grow over 25K teeth.
  • Cotton Candy was created by a dentist (dude name William Morrison) and was at that time called "Fairy Floss"

The more you know!

Links

Jul 20, 2018

A big welcome back to Green Butterfly! Our hosting trio has an amazing discussion ready for you… We’re talking STAR WARS! Specifically, the Disneyworld experience. We promise we won’t ruin it for you, only help guide you toward a rewarding visit!

In This Episode…

  • Welcome back, Green Butterfly!
  • Homemade ice cream
  • Likeability and relevance
  • Birthday in Disneyworld
  • The low-down on Star Wars in Disneyworld
  • Twitch

In this week's episode, Green Butterfly dials it up a notch by giving us a full rundown of her experiences at Disneyworld's Hollywood Studios. Turns out, it is TOTALLY possible to have a good time and have a full experience without forking over $100. If this trip interests you, you're going to want to take notes.

Also, because they're talking about homemade ice cream... I figured I should leave my personal favorite ice cream recipe here. Because... it's July. The best part about this recipe is that after it comes out of the ice cream machine (and sits in the freezer for an hour or two) you can literally throw in your favorite ingredient(s) to give it ANY flavor. I love throwing oreos in... but you could do raspberries, strawberries, chocolate chips. Just use an immersion blender to get it all nice and mixed in. FYI - there's a lot of whisking involved.

Ingredients

  • 1 tablespoon cornstarch
  • 1 3/4 cups whole milk
  • 3/4 cup + 1 tablespoon sugar
  • 3 tablespoons honey
  • pinch salt
  • 6 egg yolks
  • 1 3/4 cups heavy whipping cream
  • 3 teaspoons vanilla extract

Instructions

  • Whisk cornstarch and 1/2 cup of the milk until smooth (set aside)
  • In a medium saucepan, combine remaining 1 1/4 cups milk, sugar, honey, and salt and WHISK!
  • Add in the milk and cornstarch mixture. WHISK!
  • Heat on medium high heat until it begins to bubble. Don't boil!
  • Whisk egg yolks in separate bowl (use a large bowl)
  • Pour about 1/2 of the hot milk mix into the egg very slowly and whisking rapidly as you do. We don't want to cook the eggs.
  • Make sure saucepan is on medium heat
  • Pour the egg yolks plus milk mixture back into the pot and stir constantly (if you don't, it'll curdle)
  • When mixture reaches 170 F, pull off stove
  • Add heavy whipping cream and vanilla
  • Pour into separate bowl (something that won't melt from the hot liquid, haha) and cover loosely with plastic wrap - press the wrap against the custard
  • Refrigerate for at least 4 hours (the longer the better)
  • Churn in ice cream maker
  • Return to freezer for an hour or two
  • Eat or add more yummies with immersion blender!!

Links

Jul 13, 2018

This is it! The episode you've been waiting for... the episode where we really break down the marvel movies and think about what is essential viewing. You won't be surprised that there are several approaches from our various hosts. One method will undoubtedly be the flavor you're craving. A special welcome to SpiderPan who brings a unique flair to the episode's quartet!

In This Episode...

  • Welcome SpiderPan!
  • Marvel Movie Showdown: Paths through the darkness
  • Essential Marvel viewing
  • Espresso Shot: We become more of what we focus on
  • Star Trek Bridge Crew

Marvel Movie Showdown

In the immortal words of Robert Frost... Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both. Every path through a massive movie epoch is different, particularly when we don't buy into the fad right away. Perhaps you come to the marvel movie franchise having seen a handful. You liked Iron Man when it came out, then that first Captain America movie was awesome, but you didn't see another until Guardians of the Galaxy (because curiosity). Or perhaps you are a Marvel Virgin (no worries, we don't judge).

Unlike the decision of the narrator in Robert Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken", there really isn't a path through the Marvel movies that is "less traveled". Everyone does it differently. Many will try to convince you there is a "right" way, but let's be honest... these movies are about entertainment. It's not gospel. You've got to enjoy the experience, otherwise why bother?

Every source you Google will have a different suggestion, a different opinion, about the path through the Marvel movies. Our quartet of hosts each have a unique perspective on the movies and lend their various experiences, or knowledge about the movies, to help you choose the right path through the woods!

What approach did you take? Share in the comments!

Links

Jul 6, 2018

Our episode this week is a little shorter than usual due to Independence Day here in the U.S. We've still got plenty of good content for you, including some opinions on the new Jurassic World and the TV series we're into right now.

In This Episode...

  • Fireworks
  • Folgers Crystals
  • Jurassic World
  • Spiders?
  • Salvation, Lost in Space
  • Gaming

Fireworks

It's safe to say that fireworks go off whenever we start nerding out about something! Wherever you are, we hope you're enjoying your Friday. Here in the United States we are observed Independence Day on Wednesday, so many of us are traveling or prepping for travel. But that doesn't mean we can't take a half hour and nerd out!

The guys talk about Jurassic World 2: Fallen Kingdom, Salvation and Lost In Space, so I'll let them talk about those. I am super psyched because 12 Monkeys is airing its final season. This weekend will be the final 2 installments (they aired over the course of the previous 3 weekends as well). The final season, for me, is totally nailing it. They upped the ante without taking away from the science fiction or the relational drama. They took some risks, answered questions, and still I'm scratching my head wondering how the heck they're going to wrap it all up. Episode after episode I think, 'No, this is my new favorite episode.' The last time I did that was with the show I call my favorite: Fringe. It's been a long time since I've been happy with a show's final season!

On top of 12 Monkeys, I've been getting my mom hooked on The Office. We started in Season 2, because I didn't think she could handle season 1 yet... and I'm proud to say that she is loving it! Last night we ended on the episode where Michael Scott burns his foot in a George Foreman grill. Wow. Just wow. There's just nothing like this show. Awkward comedy at its finest.

Folgers Crystals

The packaging...

The mug...

The sniff...

Sipping with the ambiance...

Links

Jun 29, 2018

Welcome back to The Real Brian Show! We're excited to have Mangodroplet back in this episode, now fully transplanted in LA, joining our regulars, Tony and Brian! Steep a nice cup of tea, sit back and relax, and join us for another Superhero Friday ride with The Real Brian crew.

In This Episode...

  • What we're drinking...
  • Giving energy, getting energy
  • Virtual Reality... and other games
  • Lactaid ice cream
  • Milk...milk...milk...
  • Electric bikes
  • Lost in Space, Salvation
  • Jurassic World, Oceans 8, Uncle Drew

Links

Jun 22, 2018

Welcome back to The Real Brian Show! Before getting started, I'll just take a quick moment to apologize for not communicating about no episode last week. It was on both our radars to blast something somewhere, but it got away from us! Brian made a trip to Vegas for HxGN Live (Hexagon International Conference) and will have some stories to share, and for good measure we're also throwing in the usual frivolity from Captain Influence.

In This Episode

  • Yeah... about last week...
  • VEGAS!
  • A lesson in preparing trout
  • Stress = Dizziness & heart palps??
  • An emphasis on stress
  • Lost in Space, Salvation, Altered Carbon

What Happens in Vegas...

Finding relief from stress in Vegas might not be exactly how you're expecting! Generally, the whole "let's go to Vegas for the weekend" bit is more specific to the casinos or endless nighttime entertainment. But in the case of our own Real Brian, the relief likely came on the heels of anticipation. Between extended alone time, dealing with crabby and rude drivers, and preparing for HxGN Live, stress bubbled up to the surface in the form of heart palpitations and a general uncertainty of health (and thus feeding back into the stress).

I don't usually qualify my posts, but I do recognize that talking about stress is very personal and provokes in us a feeling that no one really understand what we're going through. I just want to share some of what I've learned about stress over the last 20 years as my own symptoms have changed since childhood.

Stress manifests in different ways for everyone, and because of that... sometimes it's really hard to tell what's wrong or that you're even stressed out in the first place. When I was younger, my stress took the form of incredibly painful sores on my tongue. Any time I would get over-emotional (excitement, nerves, embarrassed, anxious) I could feel the sores start to come back. And then it would take forever for them to go away.

It's interesting because even as I'm writing this I'm only realizing that it was one of the contributing factors toward a strive for balance, melancholy and stoicism. I still come up against strong emotions, but there's an aspect to stoicism that changes my perspective about receiving these emotions. Sometimes it's unhealthy (suppression) and sometimes it's limiting (not getting excited about things), but until I experienced grief (which was totally new) I found that I wasn't surprised by my emotions. The lack of surprise was a considerable help in managing stress.

At the beginning of my grief, these tools were helpful. But at a certain point, my reactions stopped maturing and it became mostly suppression - which then began to manifest in TMD. Three years later... I'm definitely suffering the long-term effects of not adjusting my dose of stress relief accordingly.

So Brian is totally correct when he says that this is a cyclical process and we keep learning and keep adjusting. And he's right that I was going to say as much! This is undoubtedly one of the most fascinating aspects to human nature, because we expect consistency in how we anticipate things, but it is so easy to neglect the third parties that feed into our circumstances. Society changes, people change, we ourselves change... and thus circumstances are constantly in flux. We recognize pain and stress, find a way to deal with it - we focus in and make sure it won't happen again - only to be shocked by another aspect of that experience which causes us stress.

Stress relief is multilayered and transitory. It is a theory that can be applied, but also must be applied appropriately, with varying degrees of emphasis, and then adjusted and tested for every future use. Otherwise we'll just end up being frustrated that the old methods to relieve stress don't work and find ourselves in a vicious cycle of being dominated by our circumstance.

The most difficult aspect of stress relief, for me, has been trying to find the motivation to dig down deep for the root of my stress AND make the necessary adjustments to relieve it. Sometimes it's easier (or it SEEMS easier) to just push through. But the long-term effects can be incredibly damaging. So I'll leave you, at the end of this long-winded diatribe, with a little encouragement to take the time to deal with it when it comes up... don't let it get out of hand, no matter how uncomfortable it might be.

Links

Jun 8, 2018

What do Star Wars, LeBron James and mind over matter have in common? We talk about them all in this installment of the podcast! It's time to talk mind over matter with Brian and Tony!

In This Episode

  • Estes Park & Rocky Mountain National Park
  • Stupid behavior around elk....
  • Angel Armor
  • Lessons learned from the NBA
  • Star Wars: A Solo Story

Mind Over Matter

Since the majority of the conversation in this episode is specific to the new Star Wars movie Solo, I'll let Brian and Tony lead the way on that excellent discussion! My personal reaction to the movie was... too predictable. But, like Brian points out, that was likely due to lack of character depth in Kyra's character. Or, maybe not. If they'd gone more in depth into the character, it might have been more predictable.

To be clear, I don't mind predictability. I don't like last minute, where-did-that-come-from twists that make no sense. I like a healthy balance of mystery and shock, where we can understand character arcs without actively wanting to predict the outcome of the movie. When the movie moves too slow, I find myself tagging characters and saying, 'Next they will say [this] and do [this].' Great premise... execution was lacking.

But that brings me to what I do want to discuss. I read an article this week about Kelly Marie Tran (from The Last Jedi) that broke my heart. One might argue that it was more apt to break because it is made of ice, but I like to think that it warmed up just enough in order to tear and bleed... feeling the pain for this actress who probably entered into the Star Wars franchise with eager anticipation of joining an epic story.

So here's what Star Wars, LeBron James and mind over matter really have in common.

 

Later in this same interview, he says: if the stuff that goes on in social media bothers you... just delete it.

Well said. Just delete it! I deleted Facebook and Twitter from my phone a couple months ago and am loving the freedom that comes from not being attached to notifications or cultivated news feeds. My dad used to always say, and I know a lot of dads say this, but what goes IN to your mind will undoubtedly come OUT of your mouth. If we're serious about our craft, about delivering quality or excellence, and we only listen to the LOUDEST source of feedback... we've no guarantee about quality feedback.

Mind over matter is this concept where we can use our mind to conquer physical problems. It's become more common to use it in terms of controlling pain, but historically it has roots in the evolutionary growth of the mind. What is most interesting to me, in this regard, is that sometimes physical problems are visibly evident, sometimes they're not. Sometimes they are the words said to us (or not said to us) that become "like" physical pain. Sometimes it's a digital blockade of terrible people on social media. Sometimes it is an illness preventing us from playing in an important game (Michael Jordan's legendary flu game).

In all cases, we have a choice: either we let something get us down... or we rise above. Good for Kelly Marie to delete her social media stuff, people don't deserve to have a peek into her life and she owes no one anything. With the dawn of the social media age, we as a people have yet to fully adjust to the large-scale impact words of this visibility have. We are like children, unable to help ourselves from abusing a new toy.

It's just a great reminder that when something hurts, stop giving it the power to hurt you. Regain control, do what you do, and fall back in love with the passion that brought you to where you are.

Links

Jun 1, 2018

We live in a great time for television, and who better to help us navigate the crystalline waters than our beloved Podcast Overlord?! We're excited to welcome Kevin back to The Real Brian Show and catch up on his podcasts, his current watchlist, and what he's looking forward to this summer.

In This Episode

  • Welcome back, Podcast Overlord!
  • Reminiscing...
  • Wynonna Earp & the Fandom
  • What's Hot?
  • Learning about living with what happens

Great Time

Listening to Kevin and Brian chat brought me back. Way back. When I first started listening to podcasts, it was The Fringe Podcast and The Irish and Celtic Music Podcast. That was it. But The Fringe Podcast was my gateway drug to a whole new world, one which led me into getting behind the mic myself. Along that road I had the privilege and the pleasure to meet and work with Kevin. I've never met anyone quite like him, and I highly doubt I ever will. He likes what he likes and isn't afraid to come right out and say it, disregarding what anyone else thinks! He can rally and inspire a fandom in ways I've never seen before and I think it's due to this unashamed passion for the stories he invests in.

As it goes, our time podcasting together came to an end and as I've sort of sidled out of the whole television-podcasting realm, I'm now struck with strong nostalgia for the old days. Kevin made talking about television fun and always had the acuity to remind us that it's just a story and that we're supposed to be having fun! Even when Arrow let us down, it was having a chance to get together with Kevin and Brian every week that made doing a podcast worthwhile (not to mention our incredible listeners).

I learned a lot from Kevin by working with him. I learned about etiquette and presence, about the importance of commitment and the necessity of passion. I'm sure at times he wished I would grow up, or settle down, or reign it in (Brian and I have a tendency to... take details and talk them to death...). But Kevin is cordial, pleasant, an incredible friend and an incredible inspiration. So it is with great enthusiasm that I encourage you to go check out Tuning into SciFi TV to witness the breadth of his genre-tv knowledge and his insightful, yet often whimsical, analyses. Check out the links below for more opportunities to see what Kevin is up to!

Links

May 25, 2018

Are you sick of being told by "experts" or by "scientists" that you're too old to do something? We definitely are! If there's one thing we emphasize on this show, it's that you're only as old as you feel. Unless you feel like an infant, in which case we don't support that. In a world that like to complain that we're getting old too quickly, it seems that sometimes we confuse immature individuals taking part in an activity with the activity itself being immature. So with the help of CJ "Lord Thunder", we're going to dig into this shot of espresso and a ton more fun Friday stuff!

In This Episode

  • Welcome back Lord Thunder!
  • Apple Watch
  • Birthday celebrations
  • Networking equipment...
  • 13 Reasons Why (Season 2)
  • What are YOU too old to still be doing?

Too Old

Epicurus once said: "Be moderate in order to taste the joys of life in abundance." As Lord Thunder accurately points out, just about anything we have access to in life, if over-used or abused, can kill us. And if not outright kill, then seriously damage our internal organs! Looking at how much acetaminophen you'd have to ingest in order for it to kill you or damage you might seem extreme, but the same could largely be said about gaming. When we reach levels of "toxicity", there is something else wrong. Talking strictly from my own experience, I resort to extremes when something is imbalanced.

We're all about taking care of ourselves, here at the Real Brian Show. We talk about healthy lifestyles, anything from staying active to learning how to eat right to socializing and friendship. We'd never advocate for isolation or eating nothing but pizza. There's a reason Brian talks about eating healthy, but also eating the frickin' cookie!

Scientists provide us with vital insights into the Dos and Donts of life. They share common pitfalls that humans face or risky behaviors, and they share what will help us, make us healthier and happier. Below I linked to a video that goes into some detail about being "too old" for gaming and the video makes some excellent points, excellent and accurate. However, we very well know that gaming itself isn't immature, gaming itself won't rot our brains. It's a compilation of things, and we're all responsible for seeking a good balance between having fun and taking care of ourselves.

Gaming isn't the only thing people tell us we're "too old for". The biggest resurgence I've noticed over the last couple years is coloring. Adult coloring books are making a comeback. In fact, after my dad died... I received multiple coloring books as gifts from people saying, "You might not believe me, but this is really therapeutic."

Reader's Digest agrees. They created a huge list of things we're never too old for. On this list? Watching fairytales. Crying. Dyeing your hair a different color.

Sometimes we need the child-like activities in order to stay sane, to let loose or loosen up, but there is nothing about these activities that inherently has age attached to it. In the end... the warning is to always be careful! Remember that we're prone to addiction and developing bad habits, so seek balance and moderation over total immersion. Learn how to love being healthy!

Links

May 18, 2018

2 of us survived Thanos. Did you? Actually, 3 of us survived Thanos because I, Emilee, survived. I was spared. We've got a full house to discuss Avengers Infinity War! Plus, we get the low down on Mangodroplet's trip to Florida (Epcot! Disney World! Harry Potter World!), some more convo around Should vs Could and Will vs Can, and learning how to learn from someone we've chosen as our mentor or coach.

In This Episode

  • Mangodroplet's trip to Florida & Disney World
  • Avengers: Infinity War discussion
  • Cobra Kai
  • Should vs Could (and Will vs Can)
  • FoCo is getting an In-N-Out Burger
  • Mentors and Coaches

Survived Thanos

If you're reading this, you may not have survived Thanos. How can you know for sure? Click here. In the event you were, or were not, spared by Thanos... we hope that you enjoy the riveting and animated discussion about Avengers: Infinity War. The majority of the discussion in this episode is about the movie, so if you have not seen it yet... first, what are you waiting for? And second, go see it! Then listen. It will be much more rewarding.

Interestingly, I didn't quite enjoy it as much as the folks did discussing it on the podcast! It was funny, had a lot of action and more depth to the villain than we're used to in these Avengers movies... I think I'm just reaching my peak of superhero films, the mass devastation, and the reliance on big-budget, eye-popping, CGI-driven screen antics. Call me a cynic, but was there a single shot from the movie that didn't have to be filmed with a green screen? (Of course, I'm being dramatic.)

It was so much fun seeing worlds collide; Thor with the Guardians, Tony Stark going head-to-head with Dr. Strange. But I am not a fan of movies that are split in 2, the first leaving a massive cliff hanger, and no semblance of resolution or hope at the end of the first movie. This is not a complete story. If I wasn't so cynical, I might think that this was a way to make all the drama more exciting and to tell a bigger story than they could in the span of 150 minutes...

In any case! Chances are you won't dislike it for Marvel's natural charisma, humor or ability to transport you through the galaxies for a couple hours. (chuckle)

Links

May 11, 2018

The Real Brian Show is a full house this week with Captain Influence, SevenBlueSeven and JonnyPistol at the helm with The Real Brian. We're talking gaming, Black Mirror, chokolat, non-spoilery Avengers stuff, and... did we mention gaming? It's the game of life!

In This Episode

  • Introductions, of course
  • What's in our cups
  • An espresso shot for life
  • Non-spoilery Avengers talk
  • Games we're playing (i.e. Alien: Isolation, Overwatch)
  • Toying with a twitch idea
  • Road rage and sensitivity

Game of Life

In true Real Brian Show fashion, the conversation this week hovers around various games in life that are both highly connected and don't really have anything to do with each other. There are the fun game-games, like Alien: Isolation, Overwatch, Battletech, Divinity... But then there are the real-games.

We play a different sort of game every day. The foods we eat, the drinks we drink. The people we talk to, the people we don't talk to. Our lives are a complex network of interactions that shuffle us along the platform of life, where we level up or proverbially lose lives and find ourselves back at square one.

This isn't The Truman Show. People don't watch our lives like they can watch a Twitch channel. But sometimes the way we live is put on display for all to see, and when that time inevitably comes... what are people going to see?

We'll all slip up from time to time. Perhaps it comes in a heated moment during traffic, or at just the wrong moment after a long day. Learning to control our reactions to situations under pressure is an important tool in anyone's belt, and that doesn't mean suppressing emotions, but possibly learning how to separate emotion from circumstance. The guys talk about getting into the mind of someone you're butting heads with and it started me down this path of the different places I become irritated by people. The most obvious is while in the car. Why does someone choose to go 10 mph under the limit? Why did that car have to swing wide left in order to turn right (causing ME to nearly drift into oncoming traffic)? But then there are other places... like at the grocery store when someone with with 100 items chooses the "self checkout" line.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Where do these irritated reactions come from? After all, I can't control other people. I can't control whether someone loves me, needs me, remembers my name, knows what I'm dealing with, or even grasps what implications their own actions have on everyone around them. We all only have so much time in the day, so maybe part of the problem is that we don't give ourselves enough padding, enough space, to accomplish the things we need to in a single day. As a result, we're behind in our own schedules. That makes us anxious, short, selfish, and narrow-minded.

Maybe in order to do more, we have to do less.

Links

May 4, 2018

We're sharing and caring this week with recipes, stories and chocolate from Brian, Tony and Morgan. Also, we have an interesting discussion about SHOULD vs COULD and the mindset that accompanies approaching decision making starting from these two launching pads. By the by, did you ever notice how strikingly similar jawas are to minions? May the 4th be with you all!

In This Episode

  • May the 4th be with you!
  • SHOULD vs COULD
  • NBA Playoffs & NBA2K18
  • Corporate bogus medicine
  • Fathead Pizza

Should vs Could

Ever heard someone say the phrase "woulda, coulda, should"? In fact, there are six different "common" combinations of this phrase that people employ, based mostly on a subconscious ordering of the words.

Shoulda, or "should have", implies that a path of correctness was known, but unexplored. Coulda, or "could have", is less concrete... implying something more of a possibility, rather than a certainty. Woulda, or "would have", is even further removed than "coulda", where there is some condition under a banner of possibility.

Whichever word we put first when dismissively uttering this phrase ends up revealing a lot about our perspective! And likewise, using should versus could reveals a lot about how we view the decisions we're confronting. Saying we "should" do something carries along an implicit stressor, one that carries the weight of a particular correct path. Conversely, saying we "could" do something opens up the element of possibility, creating a sense of freedom for the choice at hand.

What do you think? Have you been restricting your decision making to "should"? Do you need to open yourself up to the "could"? Let us know!

Links

Apr 27, 2018

In typical Real Brian Show fashion, we've got an exciting discussion for you that goes from Tony's odd love for Folgers' coffee to "cuddle puddle" to some of the foundational concepts of healthy eating. Join Brian, Anna and Tony for another riveting Superhero Friday installment!

In This Episode

  • This is where Cuddle Puddle came from.
  • Promising that we won't grow up to be our parents.
  • Good GMO... bad GMO
  • They stick corn and wheat in everything. Doncha know.
  • Healthy foods, healthy living
  • Biking
  • Stress messes you up

Self-Care

If there are any takeaways from this episode, it's that being healthy isn't just about eating or just about exercising or just about community. It is a combination of lifestyle choices that intimately affect each other. Think about it... the things we eat affect the energy we have, which influences exercise. Exercise affects stress levels and mindset. Stress levels affect sleep patterns. And sleep patterns affect the way we eat! Have you ever, when finding yourself hungry and awake at 1 a.m., said, 'Oh, I'll just make a nice green salad.' No. It's ice cream. Pizza. Or, in my case, cheese tortillas (filled with CRAP).

Self-care is continual and cyclical. The better care you take of yourself, the more you want to take better care of yourself. When self-care is de-prioritized, we develop a lot of habits that are convenient due to circumstance and exacerbate the lack of self-care. I have a terrible habit of putting self-care on hold while I take care of other things (usually work things). I'll put off so much that, eventually, something will happen that stops me right where I am and forces me to take care of what I've been neglecting. It used to be that I'd get really sick. My body would collapse and I'd spend three days puking my guts out and running a fever of 102. Lately, it hasn't been my health that takes a hit but other, peripheral things... like this week I was leaving for work and found standing water in my HVAC closet! 24 hours, and several dozens of gallons of mopped up water, later I have a brand new water heater, a declogged emergency drain and a stunned feeling of, 'What the heck just happened?!'

I've been reading a book that really digs in to the reasons behind why we neglect and put things off and how to turn things around. There is so much I'm guilty of, and so much I ignore... knowing that I'll eventually get to it, but right here and now I have to do what's right in front of me. Thinking about self-care, and especially thinking about health in a holistic way, I know that a great deal of my effort needs to go into how I can prioritize sleep and downtime (true relaxation) and learn to delegate responsibilities in order to achieve that.

There is no trick other than to figure out the lifestyle choices that work for YOU. That work for ME. We can share tips and tricks, but frankly the solutions we apply won't be the exact same as someone else's. And that's OK, right? That's why we have these discussions. The more you know, the more you can prepare for.

Links

Apr 20, 2018

Be a nicer. It's the bitchin' thing to do! We're talking about remembering names and what rad verbiage cats are throwin' down these days. If it's cool with you, that is. If it's not, whatevs, we're goin' with the flowin' and jammin' with Shear Terror and Heroess Hannah. So pull up your britches, turn that frown upside down and have a little fun with us.

In This Episode

  • We're Really Excited About Life
  • Strategies for remembering names... (maybe Michael Scott should not be your role model)
  • IN phrases (e.g. boss, homie, bitchin'...)
  • Face glow techniques (tip: it's not dirt)

Remembering Names

There are only a few people whose names don't seem to stick for me. It always happens when I second guess myself once, and then I continually lack confidence in knowing I know that person's name. On the whole, I'm not terrible with it. I usually remember too much about the person, not just their name.

During the first day of orientation after I transferred colleges, myself and my peers were gathered in a large assembly room where we were getting the low-down on campus. I don't recall much about that assembly, except for when the person leading the assembly had us all stand up and turn to the person next to us. We were to shake hands, tell each other our name, and then stare into one another's eyes while repeating their name.

No. Joke.

It was pretty dang awkward and I honestly have no idea what they hoped would become of that little exchange, but it scarred me. Just kidding. It made me realize that I never wanted to do that again, probably, which is why I tend to remember people's name.

My name (Emilee) is spelled a little differently than the traditional name. I'm cool with that, it's been funny to see who has a problem remembering how to spell it. I've been tracking my receipts from restaurants where they take my name for an order... and far from getting the double e correct, I see emliy, emmily, emilie... It's funny. But because my name is spelled the way it is, I know how meaningful it is when people get my name right... and so I like doing that for others. I think names are important, so I will double check emails or messages before I send them, I will apologize and ask someone to repeat their name if I didn't hear it properly, and then repeat it back to them.

Just like remembering anything, really, it's a matter of finding a system that works for you and

Apr 13, 2018

Don't... fall... asleep... Though we can't imagine that will be a problem with this installment of the podcast! We're talking Ready Player One with Tony (Captain Influence) and Anna (Mangodroplet). If you haven't seen it yet, we give a clear spoiler warning for when that particular discussion begins. Here's a great excuse to go out and see it! Don't worry, we have a lot of other things to cover!!

In This Episode

Since I have not yet seen Ready Player One, my mission here will be to direct you at all the content we talked about on the podcast! Also, if you haven't yet discovered Brian's playlists on Spotify... click here and click here.

Links

Apr 6, 2018

Eat your feelings! Then eat someone else's feelings. Or don't, that might not be polite come to think of it. It's better to share! So get a nice bowl of spicy Thai noodles, or whatever form your feelings take, and curl up with this installment of the Real Brian Show! We're so happy to welcome back Shear Terror and, new guest, Hannah (heretofore Heroess).

In This Episode

  • Welcome back Morgan! And first time welcome to Hannah.
  • What does your "perfect day" look like?
  • Sciatic remedy, you say?
  • British crime dramas on Netflix

Eat Your Feelings

I've probably mentioned this in blog posts recently, but I've been on a major Thai food kick for a couple months now. Once I started keeping regular Thai ingredients on hand it started getting easier to whip something up spur of the moment, or to just buy the more substantial aspects of a recipe when needed (fresh pork, chilies, you know).

If you like Thai food but don't really know where to start... here's a great recipe. It's simple: spicy Thai noodles.

What do you need?

Linguine pasta
Honey
Chili Paste
Soy Sauce
Sesame oil
Scallions, carrots, peanuts, cilantro, hot sauce

So simple, right? I add pork to this recipe. But here's what you do:

    1. Boil pasta while doing the steps below
    2. Heat 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil and 1/2 C sesame oil with 1 tablespoon of red pepper flakes
    3. When oil is hot, strain pepper flakes and reserve the oil in a bowl. Add the oil back into the skillet, then add 1 1/2 teaspoons of chili paste.
    4. Whisk together with 6 tablespoons of soy sauce and 6 tablespoons of honey
    5. Toss pasta in the skillet with the sauce

BOOM! Top with chopped scallions, carrots, cilantro... serve hot or cold.

I think I'm going to go eat my feelings now.

Links

Mar 30, 2018

Let's be real: sometimes people say stupid things. I mean, we don't, but some people do. In this Superhero Friday episode, Tony joins Brian to talk about some of those situations in which we're confronted with a need to start a conversation in an uncertain environment. Since we live in an uber sensitive environment in which everything we say has the potential to offend someone, how do we go about having small talk with people we just met?

In This Episode

  • March Maaaaaadness
  • Pet cancer is real and getting realerer
  • Taking care of your pet(s)
  • Awkward introductionss...
  • ...topics to talk about with people you just met

Really dog?!?

We can't control how other people choose to engage in small talk, but we can manage our own approach. Tony and Brian get heavy into different options for starting up conversations with people we've just met or don't know well, that can help us avoid awkwardness of offense or bringing up sensitive topics, so instead I want to dive into the other side of this.

Since we can only control ourselves, we can make adjustments to handling introductory conversations. We can select questions, take a different approach, try to make people feel at ease. But we cannot control how other people choose to approach small talk. I wrote at the top of the blog that culture, as a whole, has become increasingly sensitive to comments people make, to such a degree that it sometimes seems better not to talk to anyone than to talk to someone and fear saying the wrong thing. The conversations that may seem innocuous to us are sensitive to others, and vice versa. The things we think will be fun will be uninteresting or annoying to someone else. It happens all the time.

There isn't a way to avoid it entirely (unless you become a hermit and only talk to frogs... but even then you'd better be careful, they make look happy but that's only because they eat whatever bugs them). So the best we can do is learn to control our own responses. I can have terrible reactions to things, and the reaction is almost never due to just what was said but of mounting stressors that precede whatever information I just got causing me to react badly. I was reading a little from Jerome Kagan recently, specifically about the three general categories of child temperaments, and I was surprised (and not surprised) to realize that we all tend to revert back to our child-like temperament under stress. Without honing our reactions, we are all a bunch of babies.

Be excellent to one another! My challenge to you, and to me, this next week is to not make anyone feel bad for asking a question that they couldn't possibly know is a sensitive topic to us. Rise above and treat them with respect and kindness. Let's change the way we react, and change the way we converse!

Links

Mar 16, 2018

That's quasi-nerd, not queasy-nerd... though we understand why you might make that mistake! Welcome back Captain Influence, aka Tony, to this mad March installment of The Real Brian Show! Our classic lineup of conversations includes music, movies, gaming, and, of course, a strong shot of espresso.

In This Episode

  • It's St. Patty's Day!! Tomorrow...
  • The Corrs. It's been too long, man.
  • What type of nerd are you? Quasi-nerd... apathetic nerd... full-on nerd...
  • Espresso Shot!
  • Chvrches (My Enemy). Sia (Magic).
  • And, duh... Alien: Isolation

Quasi-Nerd

The prefix quasi just means something that is almost, but not quite the thing that's being defined. Someone who is a quasi-nerd probably meets a lot of the parameters, but not all of them... or not in the classic sense of it. We've really pimped out the word "nerd" in our culture, tossing it around both as a compliment and as a dig, to the point where it has almost lost its meaning. We've glamorized the term. We use phrases like cute nerd.

Literally, of course, a nerd refers to someone who is socially inept, unstylish and unattractive. I experimented a little bit... wondering what the most popular references to nerd were out there on the internet, and I got some surprising results. In my circles of influence, I probably most commonly hear people use the word "nerd" in contexts outside its literal definition, though I know it's literal definition is still its most common usage. So naturally, I was curious.

The top hits for an image search for "nerd" in Google are facetiously-dressed people pretending to be an unstylish and unattractive social pariah, Steve Urkel and N.E.R.D. (amongst a smattering of images that could be featured next to the word in the dictionary). On Pinterest, however, I found that the search for "nerd" yielded results that were much more my sphere... cutesy, not-unattractive people wearing large glasses and holding books pretending like they hate people AND also a bunch of quotes about the superior intelligence of nerds that gives them a pass on being rude to the rest of humanity. To me, this discrepancy speaks more to the users on each of these platforms rather than the true meaning of the word... But that's just me.

So what kind of nerd are you? Can we really be a quasi-nerd? It's interesting, because a large part of the conversation in this episode centers around our surprise, and non-surprise, that opinions among friends about movies and music vary to a great degree. Tony really dislikes the JJ Abrams-produced Star Wars films, but Brian likes them. And both opinions, while being totally valid, are in direct competition with each other. It seems like, historically, nerds have risen up in areas where this direct competition lies but without the social skills that enable them to be... civil... about their differences!

And I think that's a large part of the reason we embrace the idea of being a quasi-nerd. We love the differences our community has, it's literally what keeps us going. Without the differences, we'd be super boring. But we don't want to be so foolish in our pursuits that we ignore the valid opinions of others. We don't want to be so boring in our single-minded pursuits that we forget to go out and have new experiences. So we continue to branch out! And we're so glad you want to join us in that!

Links

Mar 9, 2018

For the second week in a row we're glad to welcome back Tony, aka Captain Influence! In our typical Superhero Friday fashion, we've got the fun and we've got the serious, but this week we want to circle back to reminding each other of how important it is for the two to overlap from time to time. We're a people of extremes, aren't we? We tend toward extremes and finding a balance can be our primary focus in life. But it's exhausting, isn't it? Sometimes we just have to take the fun when there is fun, take the serious when it calls for serious, and not force either when they seem a little too far out of reach.

In This Episode

  • Welcome back, Tony!
  • Dirrrty chai
  • Weekend of gaming and junky food
  • Show for the Almost Famous!
  • We all want to be someone
  • Alien Isolation
  • Moosik

Never Surrender

Realizations about the somebody we are trying to be can come in spurts over a long period of time. We learn a little bit more about ourselves, then express that part of ourself to the world. When we express ourselves, we unconsciously gauge reactions to our personality and those reactions can either make us retreat inward and stay the way we've always been or make us change ourselves. Neither reaction is wrong, they're both very natural, but one of the things we love to celebrate here at the Real Brian Show is the fact that you can continue be who you are in spite of the reactions from others if who you are is who you want to be.

Brian talks about being a somebody to other somebodies and how discouraging that can be when we're not immediately accepted. Changing ourselves to be accepted by someone else is still a rejection. We reject ourselves. Continual improvement, betterment, increase in emotional intelligence... these are all good things and I do not want to draw a fine line at never changing ever! Change is good, but changing to meet the expectations of others or because of someone else's dissatisfaction is not the good kind of change!

In our society which is quickly being eaten up by social media we seem to have reverted to a middle school mentality of pleasing others by striving to meet ineffable qualities and standards. The qualities and standards are subjective and fluctuate based on someone's mood or someone's circumstances. We like to celebrate individuality and having fun and nerding out while simultaneously exploring the realness of life because it only seems to be then that we start to capture the full picture of life.

Links

Mar 2, 2018

Welcome back to The Real Brian Show! We're pleased to welcome back Tony, aka Captain Influence, to kick off the month of March. We're going to be hearing about a colonoscopy in this episode, but before you cringe and veer away let me assure you that it is definitely G rated. If you've ever been concerned about getting a colonoscopy or it's on your list of things to do and you've been putting it off... hopefully this will put your mind at ease. To balance out the fun, we'll talk some movies, tv shows, and the stuff we're nerding out about right now.

In This Episode

  • WELCOME!
  • Setting fear aside and take the probe plunge
  • You get a colonoscopy. And YOU get a colonoscopy.
  • Black Panther
  • The Tick has returned
  • YouTube TV

Colonoscopy

Googling "colonoscopy" yields these top 4 questions:

  • Does a colonoscopy hurt
  • What can I expect from a colonoscopy?
  • How long does it take to get a colonoscopy?
  • What happens during a colonoscopy procedure?

Well, guess what? We're going to touch on all of these questions AND have fun doing it! Take THAT Google. Colonoscopy is one of those medical procedures that yields a lot of clarity, but is dreadfully unpleasant to think about. Examining the colon is necessary, but the methodology by which it is accomplished makes everyone cringe.

Have no fear, our conversation is not graphic. In the same vein of learning how to live healthy, we're advocates for taking care of the body even when it seems uncomfortable or unpleasant.

Links

Feb 23, 2018

Does this beard make me look fat? You never quite know what to expect from an episode of the Real Brian Show, but you can expect to enjoy being dragged along to wherever we venture! I have the privilege of co-hosting with Brian, once again, and we go from what's in our cups to discussing the awesomeness happening at the Olympics to realizing some hard truths about social media. Join us for the fun!

In This Episode

  • Miss Ice takes over.... again
  • Body hair. Trust me, you'll have to listen for more
  • Olympics & amazing people
  • Finding a social platform for conversation
  • Social media...arg!
  • Endorphin rush! Where does yours come from?

Does this facial hair make me look fat?

The title of this week's episode comes from another conversation he and I had about two years ago! Randomness in the form of Emilee and Brian at its finest. Living in Minnesota, I see more than my share of beards. Some of them are epic, some of them need to be shaved yesterday. But when they're done right they really suit a man and I can appreciate them for their bizarre uniqueness. Not uniqueness in the way they're maintained or shaped, but uniqueness in just considering that human men naturally grow hair on their face. It's so awesomely weird, and still... totally natural.

But isn't it more weird to NOT have a beard? Maybe not in this day and age, but consider generations past. Consider a time before razors and blades. Today, shaving AND not shaving is a decision. It was Alexander the Great who sort of established the norm for shaving in western civilization, but shaving wasn't a concept he invented. Think about classic photographs of noble Egyptians, who strategically shaved their faces and their heads.

Back and forth, the scale was tilted in favor, then not in favor, of shaving. Alexander the Great established shaving as a norm in his time (300s BC), but then the leader of the Roman world, Publius Aelius Hadrianus, intentionally pushed back, grew a beard and established facial hair as a new form of manliness. Historical records account for the resurgence of beards in what they call "Beard Movements", which is interesting because I could find the inversion of that. I couldn't find "Shaving Movements".

It's fascinating. With just a little searching on the interwebs a learned a lot about beards I've never thought of. What side do you come down on? Beard. No beard.

Links

Feb 16, 2018

Whether Valentine's Day is your thing, or you enjoy celebrating love every day of the year, we are happy to welcome you back to the Real Brian Show and an installment that will hopefully satisfy the broad spectrum of our listener base! We're not much for Hallmark Holidays here at The Real Brian Show, but we do love the fun history of the internationally-observed day of love. Mangodroplet joins the Real Brian and they chat about all sorts of wonderful, nerdy things...

In This Episode

  • I wish I wasn't SO DANG SWEET!
  • Watching the heck out of the Olympics
  • Staad Backpack
  • Torchlight Society
  • Nerve conduction study
  • Espresso shot: the more you know...
  • Music, TV and Movies

The Staad Backpack

Looking for a backpack that is both practical AND professional? Plus excellent quality? Check out Staad Backpacks. We are SO impressed with The Staad. Brian had a chance to review and talk about the Bolt Backpack back in August and, while he also really enjoys The Bolt, The Staad is absolute perfection in a backpack! Ok, well, maybe it's just perfect to Brian. Ergonomically, The Staad is fantastic. Not too heavy and just right on the shoulders for even distribution. It's also exceptionally well-made with waxed canvas that looks better as it ages and full grain, high-quality, leather. Truthfully, this bag (as long as taken care of) should last Brian's entire life. If you're wanting to look professional (wearing suits, nice clothes, etc.) and you need something ergonomic, then ditch the high school look and GET A STAAD! :D

Torchlight Society

We've talked about, and even spoken with, the brilliantly talented Brian C. Roll a number of times and here we are again raving about his art. Torchlight Society is an art subscription club, in which you receive a ton of perks on artwork produced by Odyssey art AND receive quarterly shipments of all sorts of sweet stuff. Here's some of the art that Brian has received:


Links

Feb 9, 2018

Welcome back to the Real Brian Show! With episode 100 in the bag, we return this week with a fresh dose of realness from crowd favorite, Mangodroplet (aka Anna). There's a lot on the docket for this episode! Brian has some quality Chinese coffee; Owl City and Plumb top our Now Playing list; and the Greatest Showman comes highly recommended.

In This Episode

  • Espresso Shot!
  • Healthy foods... you are what you eat!
  • Netflix: Altered Carbon and The Cloverfield Paradox
  • Music: Owl City, Plumb, Lights
  • How real can we really be?

How Real

We want to be real, but we don't want to overwhelm everyone around us with hardships...nor do we want to alienate people with updates that have distasteful sense of boasting. Does striking a balance prevent us from being really real?

As I was thinking about this idea, and listening to Brian and Anna discuss, a couple things occurred to me. As they mention, social media does a lot to distort our perception of other people's lives and to affect the way we present our own. Our online persona is the person most of our associations actually see - isn't that bizarre? I interact with an entirely different group of people on Facebook versus "in real life" (i.e. at work, church, neighborhood). For many of the people who know me, what I put on Facebook is all they really know.

How about that phrase lying by omission? Just because we didn't put it on Facebook doesn't mean it didn't happen. I know, I know, crazy! And just because we put something on Facebook doesn't mean we've accurately represented something that happened. Social media is just filtered perceptions, and then comments on those perceptions. It's exhausting.

The second thing that I realized was that in order to really be real, we have to be honest with ourselves... and not just by posting a variety of information. It isn't entirely about striking a balance between sharing hardships (but nothing too serious) and sharing wins (but nothing overtly braggy). It's about resetting our brains to count our blessings when we are hurting the most, or to remember those in need when we are particularly happy. As the authenticity of our online interactions increase, each story we share doesn't become about qualifying our pain or excusing our glee, but about sharing something genuine, without transforming it in order to control the narrative.

I'm very honored by Brian mentioning the anniversary of my Dad's death, and in that spirit I am not sorry to say that I've had to take a serious look at this approach to Facebook myself. For many years, my mantra was "pain is gain" and "suck it up" or "rub some dirt in it". Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. We all deal with stuff. But I've grown much more compassionate since having to deal with the grief of losing my dad, which has forced me to look for joy even when it seems so far away... and then to also accept the pain of grief as it bubbles up. But it doesn't matter, ultimately, what anyone else thinks about my pain or my joy, what matters is that I don't lie to myself about it. After I quit lying to myself, I quit sharing very cultured stories on Facebook. I quit the random little comments that made it look like I was always having a ball, and I quit posting every time I was feeling sad.

We don't need the validation of Facebook. We should not look to these mediums for validation or relief. It is a massive network, now, that seems unstoppable in terms of what it enables us to do with "community", but the fact of the matter is that if we feel a need to cultivate a persona... it should not be considered community. Several weeks ago I talked about finding a tether - someone, or several someones, who bind you to the earth. That is where it matters to be really real. Everywhere else is just a smokescreen, no matter how much people try to convince you otherwise.

In the words of e.e. cummings: "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." Fight the battle for your own identity by fighting against that tendency to carefully craft every outward-facing story and comment. You be you, and I'll be me. I'd rather not try to be you.

Links

1 2 Next »